The Other Mother

The non-bio mum.
The other mother.

It can be dressed up 1,000 ways but it boils down to the fact that I won’t be biologically related to our baby. And that’s ok.

I’ve mulled over, pondered, hashed out, defended, discussed, and talked endlessly about my feelings on this matter and I am completely certain in my convictions. I don’t feel like a biological connection is necessary to love and parent a child.

The conversation started when Wifey and I first discussed having children. We’ve both always wanted them and we both have large, complex families. One of the reasons we got married when we did rather than waiting was because I saw adoption in my future. I wanted to have been married for as long as possible whenever we did move forward with an adoption plan as I had read that it could prove beneficial. In my mind, I felt like if there was no perfect way for Wifey and I to conceive a baby between us, then there are already plenty of children out there that need loving homes.

The conversation has shifted slightly but not entirely. As time has gone on, Wifey has expressed her interest in carrying a child, and I am fully on board with that. I get it. I love the idea of us taking that step together, planning, picking names, watching our baby grow in her. I can’t deny that I love that image. So adoption is on hold for now. I still see it in our future, but for now my Wife wants to give me babies.

I adore kids, I’m good with them and I’ve always wanted them. But I am squeamish and have a low pain threshold. I’m a wuss. I admit it. As such I just don’t see myself pregnant. Especially if I have the option not to be.

I am more than happy to be the other mother. I am secure in the knowledge that I will go down on the birth certificate as ‘parent’. I will be equally responsible for the little life we create. I’ll be there every step of the way. We’ll all share our last name. I really have no qualms. Even my parents are entirely on board and knowing that I won’t be biologically linked doesn’t phase them whatsoever. They can’t wait for us to have a baby and my mum views it just like any of her daughter’s having a baby. I love that.

These are things we’ve hashed out a million ways together. We have no doubt that this is what will work perfectly for us. And I will happily go to bat with anyone that cares to tell me otherwise!

So that’s the story of me; the non-bio mumma to be.

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